Why I have a problem with ‘Bye, Fuckboy’

I recently read an article on cracked.com that basically shattered any conceptions I had previously harbored about respect and dignity. The author informs the reader, in the funniest and bluntest way possible, that the world doesn’t give a hoot about respecting them if they aren’t bringing something to the table. This is the reason we see a stark change in the way our parents, relatives and society treats us as we grow older; as kids, we could do the most outrageous things, but the world would continue to invest in us; when we became teens, the world began to frown on our delinquency, but kept on supporting us; and when we crossed the 18 threshold, the world heaved a sigh of relief and began to give us a piece of its mind. I think we can all agree that as an everyday adult mwananchi, we go through  A LOT. Rudeness, long cues, insecurity, accountability for our actions and the painful realization that we just aren’t as important as we thought we were. I worked at a bank as a teller last year and I was 18- trust me ,I know what I’m talking about. This sudden stripping of sense of entitlement is, I think, crucial to the transition from childhood to adulthood.

Ugh, Norah, cut to the chase already!” Calm thyself, young grasshopper, I’m getting there.

So: fuckboys.

I read the article last night, and my fingers have been hovering over the keyboard since then, itching to reply to it. I did a comment reply, but I didn’t feel the space was adequate to air my  sentiments on the matter. I was a mix of strange things when I read it- amused, mildly shocked at the obscene amount of foul language splattered all over it. I could tell, however, the writer knows how to write.  But the content-that’s the question.

By blog definition, “What is a fuckboy? An aint shit nigga”

The author goes on to explicitly state why these ‘fuckboys’ are loathed by the general human population- they are slow, lazy, selfish with their money, tacky, pretentious and have no grasp on female issues. She used a term that gave me a bit of nostalgia- a scrub, the term made popular by the female trio TLC back in the 90s to describe what I suppose today is more crudely known as ‘fuckboy’.

Now, slow, lazy, selfish, tacky and pretentious boys exist. But I have a problem with labels, because at many points  in your own life, you have exhibited the same traits. It’s a classic case of judging others when we ourselves would not want to be judged. And do these boys deserve to all be bundled up into a single stereotypical moniker? What if they are also doing other things with their lives? What if it’s just a stupid phrase they are going through, and someday in the future when they have made something out of their lives, they will look back and be mortified by their past behavior? Because nothing is black and white. Even the most seemingly crude individuals have a story, and have some sort of potential for greatness- whether it will be tapped into or not, is the question.

And I have a huge problem with the real life examples given to show the character traits of a fuckboy.

A fuckboy is the type of nigga that will call you up and tell you he wants to go out with you. So you’ll dress up in your sexy LBD,  six inch heels  and get your makeup on fleek, only for him to show up in a car full of his ‘SQUAAAAAAD’ cranking Cheif Keef

A fuckboy will ask you out for lunch but will tell you ‘we’re splitting the bill’ when it’s time to pay up. What happened to chivalry?

 On the contrary, if she is in the position to pay , she should do it once in a while. 

 I have every right to want to surround myself with people that have a positive impact on me

Now, there is no problem with wanting respect from those you associate with. But thing is, the world doesn’t work that way. We live in a society that doesn’t care about us simply because we are us, but it cares about what it can get from us. There’s a reason why surgeons get more respect than school dropouts- they serve a greater need in the society.

The article expresses these sentiments purely from a woman’s perspective, and comes off as selfish as such. Is Chivalry about footing bills? I think not. I’ve gone out with the absolutely loveliest of gentlemen, strong ambitious fellas who know where they are going in life, and we split the bill. Sometimes he just can’t afford to pay your expenses, it isn’t a sign of rudeness. And I have gone out with the worst of the bunch, and they practically begged to foot the bill. As a liberal, I believe that no one is obligated to buy me food just because they offered to spend time with me. After all, we should both be intellectually benefiting from the encounter. I don’t know about you, but I don’t go on coffee dates at Java just to eat Java food- if I wanted to do that, I’d save up some money and masturdate (the act of taking yourself out to restaurants).  I go with someone to enjoy their company.

As for clubbing…well,I don’t have much expertise in this area, but I’d say express your thoughts! Don’t expect the lad to read your mind and know your tastes and dislikes- sometimes, dudes are just not capable of that, you know J If you don’t want his crew tagging along, then tell him that. If you want to go to a classy club, then TELL HIM THAT, and be prepared to foot part of the bill, depending on just how classy we are talking about. Don’t silently seethe all through the night, and then argue about it later-communicate to prevent a breakdown in communication.

And yes, it is true that we have every right to surround ourselves with people who have a positive impact on my life. But the thing is, this swings the other way around too. Other people have the right to surround themselves with people who have a positive impact in their lives. So instead of complaining, how about we strive to make ourselves people worthy of consideration, respect and association with successful individuals? Far too many people believe they are entitled to all the good stuff, just because they are them, forgetting that the world is a cruel and unfair place. You have to fight to get what you think you deserve, not wait on it impatiently. Ask yourself, are your character and achievements worthy of higher consideration? Are you someone that people would say has a positive impact in their lives? Because if not, you need to look inside first before you think about others.

Oh, and on the question of feminism.

A fuckboy will always have some unintelligent takes when it comes to topics that involve women , such as rape and feminism.

We keep saying that word, feminism, but I don’t think we really know what it means. A feminist isn’t just someone who can initiate a pseudo-intellectual debate on female rights and issues, and get all fiery and passionate about it- a feminist is someone who is actively involved in turning things around and ensuring equal rights for women and men. Instead of expecting that these boys know everything about feminism and be gung-ho about women’s rights, and if they are not, retreating to a corner to continue the quasi intellectual debate and condescending quips about the ignorant male species, why don’t we educate them? Perceptions can be changed, trust me. And then be the kind of person who would be a role model to girls and women around the world. There’s a reason why Wangari Maathai, and not Huddah the Boss Chick, is a role model and the face of Kenyan feminism. Huddah can declare and plead for equal rights however much she wants, but let’s face it- unless she cleans up her act, those words will remain shallow and void.

And this is, by no means, meant as an attack on the article or the author. It is simply an expanded version of my 2 cents. And tough truths that I think we all need to hear.

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243 comments

  1. alphage · May 21, 2015

    .#the truth..
    I’m glad you finally decided to concentrate on defending your article..or at least I hope you did…Dede is right and if you change your attitude into a professional one as was suggested I believe you’ll grow as a writer…won’t give you this many comments though…

    • norahborus · May 21, 2015

      Hmmm…I’m sorry but I don’t quite understand the comment a hahaha
      Sí kwa ubaya…

    • norahborus · May 21, 2015

      But I detect some concern in there? And…advice? It is well appreciated. 🙂

  2. norahborus · May 21, 2015

    I think that brings us to the end of this unprecedentedly controversial thread.
    You’ve been a wonderful audience 🙂
    Goodnight.

  3. basil · May 22, 2015

    Salute. The piece is a clutch. I respect your sentiments since they are based out of no emotion. biggup

  4. Ultimate Fuckboy · May 22, 2015

    Norah, your English is great and your points are direct. Just because people cannot comprehend your language doesn’t mean your wrong, it just means your better than them….YOU GO KENYAN GIRL…

  5. Like_Mike · May 22, 2015

    Norah, I honestly think without an ounce of doubt that your article was epic and it displayed vehemently your orientation towards open-mindedness.
    If I were to play this a million times in my head, I would still be uncomprehendable or inconceivable that it’d be a chic who was this “on the fence” about a sensitive topic that would warrant all the ladies behind Nasra in a bid to make her the first female president.
    As much as the advice that you have been receiving was to stop replying, that put it blunt to whomever it may that you replied out of passion.
    Blindness has been and is the enemy of africa. The world is seen through so many eyes at a time but we only want to stubbornly view it from one perspective. I fell in lobe with the way you addressed both sides of the story because “the world is rarely black and white”-it’s mostly grey.
    It is a pity that we are losing yet another mind which is yet to be infected by blindness to Stanford.

  6. Pingback: DON’T MIND IF I JOIN IN!: WHY ALL THE FUSS! | babamboga
  7. Joe Charles Karanja · May 22, 2015

    i share in your school of thought, as an open minded individual i think you’ve captured a less popular alternative way of thinking only common with a few enlightened souls ,liberalism…..because in this world there are no absolutes

  8. Marlène Akimana · May 22, 2015

    please be my friend!! lol ❤ ! you are amazing and wise girl!you so right and i like your personality!

  9. Jade N · May 22, 2015

    Great writing , l like your point of view .It has a more 21st century girl feel enlightened ,knowledgeable ,open minded…the list is endless.😊

  10. neymar7 · May 22, 2015

    ahem…

  11. Gogong · May 22, 2015

    Great article, atleast someone came to the resque of some guy i know.

  12. Kiluti · May 22, 2015

    Excellent!!! Love this response. Really don’t believe you are 19.

  13. ketihapa · May 23, 2015

    nice take norah.. I am just glad I am not the only one that had a problem with the bye fuckboy article haha…

  14. allankamaliki · May 23, 2015

    This is really awesome. You don’t sound 19 at all………….please feel free to visit my blog too http://anusuak.wordpress.com

  15. Rocky · May 23, 2015

    Straight to the point with no emotional inclination!

  16. Clem · May 25, 2015

    Norah, can’t believe you’re 19. Whoa! What a dimension on sb else’s couple of cents 🙂

  17. Laconic Icon · May 27, 2015

    Almost unbearably moving

  18. StephTaji · May 28, 2015

    Reblogged this on Stephngina and commented:
    i have never read so much truth!!!

  19. derekomosh · June 7, 2015

    both sides of the coin are correct but this one is more understanding relatable…thanks for writing ..i find refuge in your article

  20. JUNE · June 18, 2015

    2 words…. I LOVE

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