He almost destroyed me.
I have had several internal battles about him. I have made up excuses for my behavior with him and have tried to justify why I wanted to stick around, though I always knew he was no good. Friends and family asked me, “What are you doing with him?” and honestly, I couldn’t come up with a good enough answer to convince myself. I had false happiness around him- false because as soon as he went away, I would realize that I had done nothing constructive and that my deadlines and goals were suffering because of it. With this awareness, I would vow to never again accommodate him into my routine, but oh, he was such a good convincer! “ You are stressing yourself out, you need a break. I only want to see you happy and relaxed. Don’t listen to those other guys, they don’t know you like I do.” So I would go in ready to end the relationship, but I would leave convinced that we were meant to be together forever. But after repeated failure and regret, and missed opportunities, it became obvious to me that he was the enemy, and not the friend. So I just stopped listening to what he had to say. He put up a good show, and I almost reconsidered my decision, but I stayed strong, and he got the hint. We don’t talk anymore. I have my moments of weakness…but the last time I talked to him was a couple of weeks ago. And I’ve got a lot more done without him in my life. Mr Procrastinate, trust me, I don’t miss you. 🙂