Can we be friends with an Ex? Solving the Ex

During one of my numerous adventures in the internet jungle ( I usually lie to myself that I can do useful things with the modem), I came across an article about how it is completely and utterly impossible to stay friends with an ex.  The author completely discourages the reader from even considering the friendship option with his/her ex, claiming that it’s like stabbing yourself, then keeping the knife as a memento. That such a friendship is merely the  relationship’s excretory product. Now, those views are a tad bit extreme, but I sort of agree with this clearly scorned lover. Well, at least partly. Seeing as I have only been in one relationship so far, I am probably not qualified to give expertise advice on romance. However, let me give my 2 cents on this one, from limited past experience. I do not completely agree with the author, because I do not believe in holding grudges. You see, there are 2 ways of saying you do not want to be friends with your ex: the first one involves a whole truckload of bitterness ; ” Hmmph! I don’t need him/her anyways! Good riddance! Go destroy someone else’s happiness! Thank you Jehovah, ’cause I dodged a bullet! Independent girl/guy from now on! *proceeds to facebook stalk the ex for approximately 6 months* Needless to say, this never leads to self fulfillment. In fact, you get so caught up in showing that you DON’T want to be friends, and analyzing your text messages to said person to ensure that they are dripping with indifference and disinterest, that you forget how to have proper relationships. You constantly wonder if the Ex has noticed your distant behavior and is worried, or could hardly care less about it. You get so used to this confusing, let’s-compete-to-show-who-has-moved-on-the-most fiasco, that you question any other potential romances. You wonder why someone would show any genuine interest in you, and proceed to dismiss them, because if they like you, then something must be wrong with them.  Eventually, you die a sad death, surrounded with cats.Okay, it might not end like that ,but you must agree that this is not a healthy to live. On the other hand, you could decide to politely and respectfully distance yourself from the Ex, and give both of you time to mature up and properly move on.  Your distance does not translate into deep hatred or bitterness. It is not a trick to get your ex back by showing them just how incomplete their lives are without you. It is not revenge. It is, simply, a healthy detachment, in order to give time for a shift from the romantic aspect of your relationship to the platonic aspect.  ‘Cause that takes some time.  I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want to be having a lengthy discussion about some hot chick my Ex has been eyeing, the day after the break-up. Call me old fashioned. So, to be or not to be friends with the Ex? That is the question. It’s a tricky topic, and I am inexperienced, but damnit, it’s my blog, so I’ll advise you anyways. Only consider this option if you have no left-over feelings, and consider it in full knowledge that you will never have the closeness you had when you were together, so get over it.  Remember all those semi-deep discussions you used to have about life,  love and your future life plans together(marriage,  kids,  etc)?  Well,  be prepared to replace those with stimulating conversations about TV shows  and his/her new found love.  Also, deeply consider whether or not the cause of the break-up can allow you to be friends. So he unapologetically cheated on you. Do you want to be hanging out with that kind of person? So she belittled you and made you feel insignificant. Do you really want to be best buds with that person?  Or let’s say that you had an amicable split, and are trying to get through that awkward phase between romance and friendship.  You still regard the person very highly. First things first; no false hopes are allowed.

” But, but….I still love him/her!”

Unless your life is a Hollywood romantic comedy script, chances are your ex does not reciprocate those feelings. Otherwise, you know, you wouldn’t have broken up. Yes, it’s the tough truth. Don’t expect special treatment, ’cause you’re in the friendzone now-stings, doesn’t it? Get over it. You are allowed some nostalgia, but only in small doses. And if you are a loyal soldier in the friendzone, you will one day be promoted to bridesmaid/groomsman zone. Get my drift? Hahaha. Okay, this was meant to be a light hearted essay, I hope I didn’t spark up any bitter memories in anyone. What say you? Are you friends with your Ex? Or did you decide to jump off that train? Leave a comment! Your wise words will be appreciated. 🙂

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19 comments

  1. Chris · July 5, 2014

    Borus I like it

    • sylvia · July 12, 2014

      its a whole lot of bull not being friends with your ex…am not the expert but ..hey…PS…you made me wanna make my blog public…:)

      • thatkenyanchick · July 12, 2014

        Haha, don’t be arbitrary, it depends on the situation… It can either turn out to be super successful or amazingly awkward… And start it! I’ll follow you;-)

  2. sonimbuthia · July 5, 2014

    I am friends with all my exes as I also believe as you had mentioned that one should not hold grudges. Plus you dont know when you might really need them! It requires maturity and willingness to overcome any jealousy that might arise. Good article 🙂

  3. waltermukira · July 5, 2014

    You are one special girl. As far as the whole friends-with-ex thing, well, I agree that it can work out. There are no sweet moments left in this world so we tend to treasure and hold on to those who gave us even the slightest of taste of what blissful aeros love feels like. Plus if your ex ever gets too tough to stay away from, we now have a mutually beneficial relationship called FWB aka Friends With Benefits. 😛 (Ideas… Ideas. 3:) )

  4. thatkenyanchick · July 5, 2014

    Thanks Chris! Baby steps:-)

    Sonimbuthia, I agree, grudges are just not worth it… And you’re friends with all your exes? You will be my role model now:-D

    Walter, you’re quite the philosopher now, aren’t ya?:-) As for FWB…possibly the worst thing ever invented, aside from nuclear bombs.

  5. ian wainaina · July 5, 2014

    Nice one

  6. thatkenyanchick · July 5, 2014

    thanks Ian!

  7. Job Orenge · July 6, 2014

    nice one borus

  8. peter · July 6, 2014

    go girl!!!
    hats off!

  9. Lorna · July 6, 2014

    nice. Before reading this I used to think it would be okay. But now, not so much.

    • thatkenyanchick · July 7, 2014

      Haha, it’s still possible! Only, a lot harder…

    • thatkenyanchick · July 7, 2014

      Thanks Lorna:-) and it’s still possible, it’s just that it takes a little more effort:-)

  10. rumgeon · July 7, 2014

    absolutely ཨlovable bit..borus……..awaiting more.

  11. chemutailangat · July 18, 2014

    Reblogged this on chemutailangat's Blog.

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